


Spring Break

by KierenRose



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Camping, Camping AU, I'm not sure how tagging works, M/M, connor's alive, don't judge me too hard, this is my first time posting a fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-09 02:38:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11095158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KierenRose/pseuds/KierenRose
Summary: Evan Hansen loved nature; anyone who talked to him would know. He loved the colors of autumn, the smell of blooming flowers in spring, the twisted branches of the trees spiraling up toward the sky… what was there to dislike? It was all so beautiful. So, when Heidi Hansen asked her son if he wanted to go camping over spring break, how could he refuse?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is my first time posting a fic and I'm really anxious about it so I hope you enjoy it?  
> I'm not sure how frequent I'll update this, it takes me a long time to write.

Evan Hansen loved nature; anyone who talked to him would know. He loved the colors of autumn, the smell of blooming flowers in spring, the twisted branches of the trees spiraling up toward the sky… what was there to dislike? It was all so beautiful. So, when Heidi Hansen asked her son if he wanted to go camping over spring break, how could he refuse?

Okay, maybe it didn’t turn out like he hoped. They weren’t camping in the middle of a forest, completely engulfed by the foliage around them. They were at a campground, with other people. It wasn’t ideal, the more people there were the more anxious Evan was. What if someone started talking to him? What if while he was using one of the camp’s showers a line started to build up and he just made them wait longer? He hated being an inconvenience. 

With a soft breath, Evan pulled his bundled up tent out of the car.

“This is going to be good for you,” his mom said, laying her tent out on the ground. “Fresh air- new people! Maybe you can make a friend.” She smiled, full of hope.

“Yeah, definitely,” Evan humored her, looking around at other campers. Him? Making a friend? Like that would ever happen. He can’t even talk to someone without stuttering and making a fool of himself. Besides, it's not like he was good at making friends. He ever only had one friend, and that was Jared, if he counted. They hung out a lot in middle school because of their moms, but that was about it. Now Evan was sure Jared only talked to him so his parents would pay for his car insurance; Jared said so himself at the start of the school year.

As he finished putting up his tent, Evan’s stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten anything during the drive besides a single, chocolate chip granola bar. Not wanting to trouble his mom, he fished another one out of the box, practically devouring it.

“Are you hungry?” Heidi asked, noticing how fast the granola bar disappeared from Evan’s hand. Evan wanted to say he wasn’t; it’s not like he hadn’t skipped meals before. When his mom wasn’t home and she left him money for pizza, he never actually ordered one. He hated talking on the phone, let alone waiting for the delivery person to count the change.

Before he could answer, Heidi was already piling wood into the fire pit.

They ate grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner; which surprisingly tasted better cooked over a fire. Evan set his paper plate on the ground. “I’m going for a walk, if that’s okay,” he said, standing up from his blue lawn chair with his phone in hand. He wanted to take pictures, and with the sun beginning to disappear behind the trees, it was the perfect time.

“Alright, honey. I think I’m going to-” Heidi was cut off by a yawn “-go to bed, soon. All that driving really wore me out.” She got up, patting Evan’s shoulder and giving him a soft smile as she walked past to her tent. “We’ll go down to the beach in the morning?”

“Sounds good- ‘night, mom.” Evan fiddled with the hem of his blue polo-shirt. 

“Goodnight, sweetie.” She disappeared into her tent, but Evan could see the dim light of a phone screen inside. Heidi was almost as bad as him with how much she used her phone before bed.

Evan followed the trail leading through the camp. It was around that time of day where everyone was gathered around their campfires, talking, laughing, and telling stories. Evan hated that he could feel some of their eyes on him as he walked by. He came to a halt at a sign pointing to the beach. Okay, maybe he kind of wanted to check it out before morning. He didn’t necessarily want to wear a swimsuit for no reason if the water was gross or filled with algae. He took a quick photo of the flowers planted around the sign before following the arrow.

There was only a thin line of trees separating the camp from the beach; which was nicer than Evan expected. The water was colorful, reflecting the reds and oranges of the setting sun on the horizon. There was no algae in sight, thankfully, just a vast body of water and a sandy shore. Not wanting them to get filled with sand, he took off his shoes and socks on the dock before actually stepping on the beach. 

The soft, warm sand felt good on his feet. Evan hadn’t been on a beach like this in forever, not since he was a kid. He walked over to the shoreline, letting small waves lap at his ankles as he snapped pictures of the sunset. He didn’t have very steady hands, so he took multiple, just in case any turned out blurry. Until the sky turned dark, Evan walked along the beach, taking pictures of some of the birds and shells he saw. The stars were starting to appear, too, but he didn’t want to stay too much longer. The crabs that came out at night scared the crap out of him.

The only trouble with putting his feet in the water is that they were now coated in sand. He swore sand was the most annoying thing in the universe. It gets everywhere, and even when you think you got it all you somehow find more. Careful not to step on anything that could hurt him, Evan walked back to their campsite barefoot, carrying his shoes. He set them down next to his tent with a sigh, and stepped over to the closest water pump to, at the very least, attempt to wash away the sand. Then, he heard shouting a few tents over.

Evan couldn’t see that well, but he could make out the silhouettes of four people in the light of the campfire. The tallest one was yelling the most. He was spouting a stream of curses, ending with a strong “Fuck you!” before storming off. Evan watched the spectacle, almost forgetting to turn off the pump. He was curious as to what happened to make the boy so angry. Evan listened for a moment more, shocked when he recognized one of the voices. One of the figures turned around, and in the firelight, he was able to make out the beautiful face of Zoe Murphy.

Which meant the boy who stormed off was Connor Murphy. The same Connor Murphy that pushed him to the ground the first day of school. The same Connor Murphy who found Evan’s letter to himself, and kept it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic attack warning for this chapter
> 
> Also sorry if it's not completely accurate or realistic, even though I have anxiety I've never had a panic attack?

Evan, now hyperventilating, went back to his tent and hid inside. Even though Zoe was really nice, her brother, Connor, scared him. He’d hardly interacted with either of them except for on the first day of school, but his interactions with Connor that day were reason enough to be anxious.

That morning, he had an assignment from his therapist to write a letter to himself: Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here’s why… He wrote the letter, although, that wasn’t how it started. He didn’t have a good day. Connor pushed him down in the hallway, no one had signed his cast, even though he’d gathered the courage to ask a few people. No one cared enough. He didn’t have an actual friends either, Jared made sure he knew that by calling him a “family friend.” He felt so alone, like no one would care if he just disappeared.

Evan made a brief mention of Zoe in his letter. That she was the source of all his hope, that maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to talk to her this year. (He had a huge crush on her at the time).

He finished writing it in the computer lab. But, when he stood up to retrieve it from the printer, Connor was right there asking about how he broke his arm. It was odd to Evan, maybe he was trying to be nice? Then Connor asked to sign his cast. Let’s just say, letting him sign it resulting in Evan having “CONNOR” taking up his entire arm for the next month. Then, their seemingly civil and brief meeting went downhill.

Apparently, Connor grabbed Evan’s letter off the printer, so he could give it to him. But before he handed it back, he saw Zoe’s name and- he thought Evan wrote it because he knew Connor would find it. So that he would freak out, and Evan could go around telling everyone that he was crazy. Connor was infuriated, and Evan just stood there, being a stuttering mess like usual trying to explain himself. Connor yelled at him and rushed off, with the letter still in his hand. He didn’t come to school for a whole week afterward.

So yeah, Evan was scared of him. His last encounter with Connor Murphy didn’t end up well, and Connor probably still remembered it. Evan was the guy who wrote “creepy shit” about his sister.

Evan curled up in his blanket, grabbing onto it so tight his knuckles went white. _Deep breaths_ , he tried reminding himself, tears welling up in his eyes. Heidi made sure they brought Evan’s anxiety meds with them when they left, but they were still in the car. _But if I go outside Connor might see me and ohgodhe’salreadyangryyouheardhimyellingathisfamily. What if he takes it out on you????_ Evan was shaking, and sweating. _Gross_ , he thought, _disgusting, you’re disgusting and this is why you don’t have any friends._ His heartbeat pounded in his ears. And despite his efforts, he couldn’t breathe. Evan’s train of thought spiraled far out of his control, and it felt like the weight of the world was crashing down on him.

 

The attack passed after a few minutes. He had them quite often, but it was the first one so far this month. Still shaking, Evan wiped away some of his tears. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally. Hopefully, the rest of the week wouldn’t be like this. Maybe the Murphy’s were just going to stay one more day, then he wouldn’t have to worry about running into them.

Evan pulled his phone out of his pocket. For a split second he thought about texting Jared. Just to take his mind off everything. Jared liked to talk about himself a lot, anyway. But it was late, and Evan didn’t want to bother him. Instead, he untangled his earbuds, put on some music, and closed his eyes. He hummed along until he fell asleep.


End file.
